I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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