You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
