My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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