If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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