Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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