I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Randomize
