She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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