The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
