And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
