what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
there is glitter all over my balls
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
