I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
