oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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