Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
