she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He better not be in your backpack
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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