Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
