i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Randomize
