Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
