We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
