(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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