I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
So squirting runs in the family.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
