i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
