Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
