Nicole vs. Life
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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