Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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