I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
