She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
