I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
