I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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