There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
