I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
This house was built for laser tag.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
then he tried to convert me to islam
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
