So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
