I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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