oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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