ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
