If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
