I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
