no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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