I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
