I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
