I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
