Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
