So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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