i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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