I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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