Non-Jews are for practice
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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