I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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