I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
