I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
