my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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