i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
