allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
false alarm. still invincible.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
