dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Why is your signature on my underwear?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
