Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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