I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
