I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize