Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
