he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
