You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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