he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He? As in you personified your dick?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
