I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
