why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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