HIV tests are more positive than that guy
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
