this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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