Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
