gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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