I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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