What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
