This girl is more easily done than said...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
