Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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