if i died would you start the facebook group?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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