Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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