She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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