I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
