I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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